Do you know when to use who vs. whom?
It sounds old-fashioned: To whom have you sent those letters? Modern colloquial speakers expect something more along the lines of Who did you send those letters to?
While whom may sound outdated, it is still the technically correct word in certain situations.
Let’s examine the rules and practices surrounding who vs. whom.
One of our example sentences (Who did you send those letters to?) has two problems:
- It ends with a preposition.
- It uses who where whom is the correct interrogative pronoun
It’s worth noting that many grammarians today say it’s acceptable to end sentences with prepositions. As more and more writers and speakers place prepositions at the end of sentences, the practice becomes more acceptable. Grammar follows common practice, so as usage becomes widespread, it becomes the rule.
However, we’re not here to talk about prepositions. We’re going to take a look at how to properly use the words who or whom in a sentence.
Interrogative Pronoun! Are You Kidding?
Yeah, I guess it sounds pretty high-brow, and no, I’m not kidding. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m not one of those grammar snobs. I do, however, believe that writers who learn the rules can better get away with breaking them. If you’re a writer, then it couldn’t possibly hurt to know what an interrogative pronoun is and how to use it in a sentence, correctly.
Plus, learning about interrogative pronouns will help you know the difference between who vs. whom.
Interrogative Pronoun
Simply put, an interrogative pronoun is a pronoun that is used in a question. You know these words: who, what, where, when, why, and how. Whence and whither are also interrogative pronouns, but I’ll spare you on those. For now.
Who Uses Whom Nowadays?
The word whom seems to have fallen out of favor, although some crotchety old uncle or anal-retentive English teacher might force it into your vocabulary at some point. For all I know, whom could still be used frequently in British English, Canadian English, or Aussie speak. It’s safe to assume that a high-profile writing assignment would require you to adhere to strict rules and use whom where it would be expected. Also, if you were writing a historical novel or perhaps a fantasy tale with a medieval flair, you’d want to know such things so your characters would have realistic dialogue.
It’s also worth noting that as you learn the correct applications of who and whom, you might acquire a taste for using these words more properly, especially in writing (but probably not so much in your speech).
What’s the Difference between Who and Whom?
First I’ll give you the technical answer, and then I’ll follow up with a trick to help you remember whether to use who or whom in your own sentence crafting.
- Who refers to the subject of a sentence, while whom refers to the object.
Yep, it’s that simple.
Example:
I see you.
In the sentence above, I is the subject and you is the object. I always remember the subject as the giver or doer of an action and the object as the receiver of an action. In this example, I am doing the action (seeing) and you are receiving the action (getting seen). Now let’s replace the subject and object with an interrogative pronoun.
When the subject is an interrogative pronoun, use who.
Since who is the proper interrogative pronoun for representing a sentence’s subject, you could say:
Who sees you?
(I do. I see you.)
When the object of a sentence is an interrogative pronoun, use whom.
I see whom? or Whom do I see?
(I see you.)
The following sentences would be incorrect: Who do I see? Whom sees you?
Quick Trick for Remembering Who vs. Whom
Some months ago, while listening to Grammar Girl (one of my favorite podcasts), I picked up a neat little trick for remembering when to use who vs. whom. Both whom and him are pronouns that end with the letter m. So, all you do is remove the interrogative pronoun and replace it with he or him.
If you would replace the interrogative pronoun (who or whom) with him, then you should use whom:
I see whom?
I see him.
Whom did I see?
I saw him.
But if you would replace the interrogative pronoun (who or whom) with he, then you should use who:
Who saw me?
He saw me.
Grammar sure is fun.
Do you ever struggle with whether to use who or whom in a sentence? Got any tips or tricks for remembering who vs. whom? Leave a comment, and keep sticking to those grammar rules!
I’ve always felt weird using the word “whom” when writing fiction, even if was the correct word but it’s always good to know when to use it just in case.
I want to use the grammatically correct use of who and whom but still get confused.
Which is correct?
Who wore out whom?
Or
Who wore out who?
Great question. The first one is correct: Who wore out whom.
As the article states, we use whom if and when it would be replaced with him.
Who wore out whom?
He wore him out. (correct)
Who wore out who?
He wore he out? (incorrect)
Ashley, it does feel strange and outdated to use whom. However, there have been a few occasions where I found it appropriate, so I do think it’s good to know (just in case).
I do it often in prayer or when writing an excerpt. Those two case and poems we can get a little profound. But in most cases, even writing a book, who is more personal. Plus, it makes us human. I agree. In a couple instances, they should be used
Good points, John. Thanks!
I think people fear sounding “uppity” if they use whom, even correctly because so many use it wrong.
I personally think it sounds Hemingway-esque; and it’s the closest I’ll get to his caliber of writing in the fiction category.
I agree with Deb. It probably makes people feel “uppity” to use the word whom.
This was a great explanation, Melissa! Fun indeed. 🙂
Having just finished a book replete with who and whom’s, I don’t feel that the issue is so much a question of being outdated but a question of proper grammar, regardless. I must say, my editing to this point (half-way) has revealed that for the most part, my whom to who usage has been spot-on. Frankly, it sounds a bit silly to try and use the “It sounds old-fashioned.” excuse to never use whom. Who made up that rule and to whom does it apply? Ha-ha. Think about it . . . anytime you have used such salutation in a letter, it goes to whom it may concern; not to who. Whom has its rightful place in proper English usage. Thanks for the useful article on other little hints to use that I may not have thought of. And yes, ending a sentence in a preoposition is a big no-no in APA format, but can be a great writer’s tool. Ciao babe.
Good for you for embracing proper grammar. I do think that there is a time and place to break or bend the rules, but you still have to know them!
Hmmm… never really thought about it. The us of whom does sound “uppity” but if it’s right, it’s right! I’ll try to be good. If I want to let people know why I’m sounding uppity, I’ll just share the link to this story! I may do that just so I can! 🙂
One of the reasons “who vs. whom” frustrates me is because it does sound uppity. Most people simply don’t use “whom” anymore. Why should they when “who” will do? There’s a similar dilemma with regard to ending a sentence with a preposition. We’re not really supposed to, but it actually sounds better in many cases. Each writer (or speaker) has to decide how closely to stick with the traditional rules. Just remember, language is always evolving!
Hey. I’m one of those crotchety English Canadians who went to public school in the 1940s and learned grammar at the flat of a yardstick. Screw up a there/their, a neither/nor or a who/whom question, and Whack! Primitive methodology perhaps, but effective. So you understand why I cringe when reading a passage and find a who sitting in place of a whom. Oh boy, I think, Mrs. Jackson is going to get you!
I suggest, whatever is accepted as correct grammar always be used except in dialogue where the ear is boss.
Yikes! Sounds pretty harsh, Terry. Even though learning good grammar is important, it does not warrant the flat end of a yardstick!
Thank you for a great article. Who versus whom has always been a struggle for me. This helps me feel more confident about using it correctly!
Thanks, Tanya. I’m glad you found this post helpful.
ENJOYED this article, Melissa!
“WHOM” has an elegant aura that I love.
Thank you #HUGS
Kitto
Thanks, Krithika!
To who it may concern: Change is inevitable. Language is no exception. Even Samuel Johnson knew that.
That’s the truth!
It is not an “interrogative pronoun.” It is objective (that is, it is in the objective position of the sentence. “Whom” is the object of the verb “kidding” or “see.”
“Who” is the subject of an interrogative clause.
I continue to be perplexed as to why people leave comments challenging the accuracy of these articles without first doing their research. Whom is, indeed, an interrogative pronoun. If you actually read the article, you will see that it explains that this word is both an interrogative pronoun and the object of a sentence.
Here’s Cambridge on the subject: https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/grammar/british-grammar/questions-interrogative-pronouns-what-who.
My question is what’s correct, who found who, or who found whom?
Who found whom.
This is a ‘rule’ my dyslexic brain struggles with – interrogative, objective, subjects, objects grrrrh. Explanations never seem to register BUT I think the suggestion of substituting him or he just might work for me.
Thanks.
You’re welcome! I agree–this is a hard one to remember and substituting he or him was the trick that did it for me.
What if you’re writing something like this: “I would not want [the] people (who?/whom?) I send to you to be treated poorly.”
In noting that many people would actually have the word “that” where I want to insert who/whom, I thought to include “who” here, but it doesn’t seem/sound right.
Hope you can help!
The word that is for objects; who/whom is for people. Here’s a correct way to write the sentence:
I would not want the people I send to you to be treated poorly.
As you can see, neither pronoun is needed.
is whom did you send? Or whom did you kick? correct?
Yes, that’s correct.